I have been absent. My bad. I think about you often but I’m in the midst of procrastinating like never before. That full moon did not spur me, although, I hold out hope that there are still some errant vibrations for me to absorb.
Is it odd that I actually felt better about myself when I threw up/starved daily and never slept? Well, I DO feel better with the sleep I get now.
So much change, so many growing pains. I’ve been learning a lot about myself. I can say that I am a true Capricorn. Look up all you can about a Capricorn and you will pretty much know me inside and out. My natal chart is ridiculous as well. I’m trying to take one step at a time right now. There are just SO MANY steps. I am trying to work internally, but to be honest, I have the information I just don’t know what to do with it. I can say I stand back now and see things from a larger perspective. It’s like being the human and looking down on the ant hill. I see what they are doing and I know why they are doing it. Yeah, I like being giant.But sometimes I feel bad for the ants as I watch them…are we ants?
Here is a little mash-up I put together …a sort of mini backing track for my life.
I’ve got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match.Yet…I have learned, there’s an inner peace I own. Something in my soul that they cannot possess. So I won’t be afraid and the darkness will fade. I’m an extraordinary machine. Have you ever heard me laugh so easily? It’s cause I’m growing up slowly.
Each lyric is linked to it’s song (or is supposed to be)….It’s Fall Out Boy- “What A Catch, Donnie,” Mariah Carey- “Can’t Take This From Me”, Fiona Apple- “An Extraordinary Machine”, and Maria Mena- “Viktoria”.
I Fixed the Fight and Bet on the Loser
I am Zanzibar and the extraterrestrial authors are the British Empire
I’ll never be content as a SeaStar
101 minutes are not enough to enjoy
I envy Enis’ crawling trajectory,
So many years to take in the scenery
I’m a handless warrior instigating fisticuffs
hogtied, stretching in the viscid arms of laminin
I know the whole organism is laughing at me
Rebellious Darling, shamed by mothers omniscience
Connecting question marks instead of dots
I have been watching too many clouds
From behind too many barred windows
I try to break water between my fingertips
Yes, I’m laughing, too
I am Pete Rose, dying with the hopelessly screwed, scorning giants
whose plans date back before saviors, swimming in a glycoprotein pool,
I bet on the loser in a fight I fixed myself.
I am laughing at the fool.
I see through the layers
you are always editing
Duplicated the original
Filters over the transparency
If you will lower the contrast
and lower the clone tool
there is a glow that needs
You were exposed properly,
Please undo all your tasks
stop staring so studiously
when you forget to mask
your colors are correct,
you saturate beautifully
You will see, you are lovely.
(Cheesy, cheesy, cheesy self-esteem poem)
When I Wake
You’re illustrating my dreams
Reveries sweet with lips and limbs
no bitter taste in our tangled affections
an abridged version of a love story
derived from our hopeless intentions
of coasting on the comfort of non-commitment
Darling, it’s only you painted on the inside of my eyelids
making it hard to keep them open
At times they burn
when focused on the third line before this
so keep me asleep for now, wondering if I am,
especially when I’m not.
So dangerously close to them waking
and what will they see as they clear?
As always, Enjoy Something and Spread the Love. ❤