Defense

I’m doing my best
to navigate around my defense
To silence the whispers
that circumscribe my brain
the carcinoma that cankers my serenity
slow and steady atrophy
and every time I find a way around
my soldiers march in and surround
I’m on the ground again
it’s safer this way, they say
stay down, hidden
we will keep your self inflicted disaster at bay
and all the liars and the thieves
you know they are waiting
stay down, hidden
and never, ever
look up
escape
curl up, stay small,
and never forget
how it hurts so much when you’re hit
you have always been such an easy target
safety in your comatose
keep your heart seized
your warmest when you’re cold…

But I swear, they just don’t know
I just don’t know
I’m reaching into something
and I want to release their hold
I want freedom to believe
to not doubt myself,
and distrust the world around me.